Hello, my name is Richard Longbonner 😎
I’m just kidding, that’s not my real name obviously, that is a joke mom please stop reading this right now HAHAHA.
Ok, that was awkward. But don’t worry, there’s no one named “Richard”. They call me Dick. Big Dick if you ask in the right circles, though I’m actually 5’6”.
I was born 1978 in one of the horniest, dirtiest, sluttiest, cynical, most hardcore locations in the whole world. That’s right, I’m from Washington DC, home of the bitches.
Ok, I’m from a small town in the south. I lied once again, punish me, I’ve been a very bad boy. I’ve always been that way.
Ever since I can remember I am the horniest guy. I even dedicated my entire life to browse among the most unique, different, rare, divine porn websites looking for the best of the best. And only the very best. From the classic One on One action (cause I’m an old-fashioned distinguished gentleman) to the Legendary Mega Interracial Mixed Rated R +21 Gang Bang (what the Kardashians call “second base” or what my stepsister calls “Sunday morning”).
I’ve seen it all, nothing even surprises me anymore, no matter what. I once saw a man with a 12 incher between his legs totally ruining a poor old lady. That was the weirdest video of my mom I’ve ever seen and definitely not my best nut. I once saw a movie of a girl having sex with a creature so monstruos I cried out of fear. It was hairy, tall, intimidating, and ugly as hell monster. Then I realized I was actually watching my own sex tape. Don’t worry, I’ve come a long way, learned my lessons and now I don’t ever shoot in 4K.
For the past 17 years the quality of the videos in my link list has been unbeatable, formidable and sometimes even relatable. So, since I’m too old, too fat and most of the time too drunk to even get some action myself, I use my porn connoisseur superpowers to help others find the right fit for their likes. With much power comes great responsibility, as my fleshlight dealer once said.
I’m the greatest porn custodian ever cummed. They call me the wank guru, the nut master, the Porntown City Major, the meat-beating director, the Fappening School Principal, Richie, SSN 315-44-XXXX. Muy hot nicknames are besides the point, but the point is this: I consider myself to be an art curator, a scout, a headhunter without preference.
I love and admire all women equally. Asians, mature, milfs, BBW, college girls, petites, redheads, Kardashians, etc. My life revolves around this and I take it extremely seriously, I am a professional horny man. This is my league, these are my players, this is my world.
You see, I understand what it’s like to fall in love with a video. I once tried to marry one in California, yet they are not as progressive as they think. Even though I couldn’t, it sure as hell was my best relationship. 6 months, one favorite video. We have all had that one, haven’t we? A favorite video, a favorite scene with a special place in our horny hearts. With this list I aim to procreate that feeling, filled with joy and wonderful wanking memories.
I firmly believe that there’s nothing like a good old masturbating session right after waking up and right after having breakfast, right after having lunch, before taking a nap, after coming home from work, after cumming at work, before taking a shower, during the shower, after taking a shower, before having dinner, before going to bed. Never ever add me on BeReal.
So, yeah, we could say that watching and sharing the good pornography is my art and I’m the best artist out there. If listing the best porn links is like playing a sport, then you can call me Cum Brady, the GOAT. Lionel Fucking Messy, Cristiano Analdo, Roger Sexderer, Juan Martin Del Porno, Gerrit Hole.
So, enjoy yourself and let me know if you have any cumplaints or suggestions. That way I can write them down, archive them, organize them in alphabetical order, carefully analyze them… and then proceed to wipe my ass with those. I’m kidding hahaha I’d use them as a Kleenex substitute of course.